Our wonderful guest blogger Angela McCrimmon returns with relatable poem ‘Alone’ and heart-felt ‘My Promise,’ encapsulating her experiences and battle with mental illness.
Angela shares a simple but beautiful way to tell people you like being alone. Poetry can be a useful way for many of us struggling to let friends and family know how we feel without hurting them. Angela also finds healing through poetry and has used it as a way to document some of her most turbulent times.
Read Angela’s previous blog ‘Fighting Back with Words’ here.
I have a lot of close friends who try to look out for me, the problem is I’m not very good at letting them do it! It’s just a coping skill I’ve learned through life that I like to be alone, and this is what inspired my poem. Some people thrive on being around people, they need to pick up the phone and talk to everyone. Me? It doesn’t mean I’m sad… I just like to be alone.
You think that I am lonely but I like to be alone,
It doesn’t always mean that I am sad,
Sometimes I don’t feel like talking on the phone,
It doesn’t mean that I am going mad.
When I am alone I am happy to be me,
No need for paranoia to step in,
I don’t have to worry what other might see,
For this way I am happy in my skin.
When I am alone I often laugh and smile,
It’s nice just to feel that I’m okay,
I hold onto that feeling for just a little while,
Knowing that this feeling might not stay.
When I am alone I don’t feel the need,
To face the day with any kind of fear,
There’s no trepidation of where the day will lead,
For I am in the present now and here.
When I am alone it gives a little time,
To come to conclusions in my head,
It helps me to see that I will be just fine,
Take the time to think things through instead.
People want to help, I always hear them say,
I spend far too much time on my own,
I know that they mean well but I just have to say,
I’m not lonely I just like to be alone.
I have been sectioned once in my life and I will never until the day I die forget how it all happened. The Psychiatrist I had at the time, I believe was not just neglectful, she was cruel. How can you look into a person’s eyes, a person’s eyes with tears pouring out saying “Please help me, I’m terrified of myself…” and walk away without a word – two weeks later I was on an operating table. Knowing how much I pleaded for help brought out an inner anger in me that I know I would never display, but nobody could stop me writing about it. It was during this hospital admission I wrote this poem. At this stage I still didn’t know if I was going to make it out alive but if I did I was going to fight for my life… and everyone else’s!
I made a promise that if I survived,
If I managed to just pull through,
If somehow I found myself still alive,
I would fight for me and for you!
They wrote me off and let me down,
So many assumptions made,
I couldn’t swim, I was left to drown,
The price I have truly paid.
So many nights in that hospital bed,
I begged myself to just breathe,
I held on tight and made a pledge,
A pledge that somehow I’d achieve.
I’d achieve the chance to raise my voice,
In a way with composure and calm,
I told myself I would have a choice,
I would make them see who I am!
I’m someone with courage that they couldn’t see,
My promise I know I’ll fulfil,
They’ll open their eyes to see you and me,
I’ll fight back and I always will.